
Let me start by translating this poem from the recently deceased Asturian poet Ángel González:
Anniversary of love
How will I be
once I am no longer me?
once time
has modified my structure,
and my body is another,
another my blood,
other my eyes and another my hair.
I will think of you, maybe.
Probably,
my succesive bodies
—prolonging me, alive, towards death—
will be passing on from hand to hand,
from heart to heart,
from flesh to flesh,
the mysterious element
that determines my sadness
when you go away,
that drives me to search for you blindly,
that takes me beside you
beyond hope:
what people calls love, that is.
And the eyes
—it does not matter they are not these eyes—
will follow you wherever you go, faithful.
(original Spanish here)
Each time I read this poem, I can’t help but ask myself: “What’s the author exactly referring to when he says «me»?” and then I feel kind of seasick.
Ángel González captured beautifully the material, scientific fact that our selves may use matter, but are not made of matter. As Bill Bryson puts it, most of the atoms that constitute our body have been in place only for one year or two. Even more, millions of them belonged to other people first. Actually, it’s an statistical fact that thousands of your body’s atoms, in this very moment, once belonged to Alexander the Great.
Our own self, the continuity to our identity, clings to existence not the way a rock or a pencil or a car does, but rather, the way a poem, a religion or a bad habit do —because this extremely improbable phenomenon we call life keeps on convincing new atoms to conform to the same superior structures as they continuously replace the old atoms that leave us. Not only you can’t touch the same water twice, but the very hand that touches the water can’t be the same hand twice either.
When we see an ocean wave coming to us, it may look like it is the water what is coming, but what comes is actually the message that tells the water to rise (exactly the same that happens in a stadium wave). Much similarly, we are but a wave of identity over matter.
Hey, it feels a bit like an existential roller coaster.
When you think of it this way, few things sound more silly than oneself telling things such as “I was born that way”, “I’m too old to change”, or “people can’t change”. The only reason why we conserve any resemblance to the guys we were two years ago is because we actively remember how we are supposed to be, and constantly rebuild ourselves to that model.
Must it really be that hard to change the model at least a little?
Søren Kierkegaard, the Danish philosopher, believed the self is a task. Otl Aicher, the German designer, believed the self is a project (a design project, actually). I’m not sure how happy they were about the results of their respective efforts, but at least they had the courage to choose that attitude.
How would you rather see yourself? As the spectator and passive object to superior forces that keep you tumbling around —or as your own maker, constantly struggling to build yourself on and on against these forces? This is not just a philosophical choice. It determines how you will live with things such as responsibility, luck, fortune and misfortune.
For me, the choice is clear. We are our own makers, and should behave as such. We are not here to search for the answer to questions such as “what’s the meaning of life”. We are here to be the answer.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.